I'm Not An Angel
by NatasJa92
Summary: Asami's POV for the song I'm Not An Angel by Halestorm. Asami/Takaba. This is the sequel to Trying Not To Love You in Akihito's POV.


**Title:** I'm Not An Angel

**Fandom:** Viewfinder

**Pairing/Characters:** Asami/Takaba

**Rating:** R

**Warning:** Maybe some OOC-ness.

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to Ayano Yamane.

**Summary:** Asami's POV. Song used _I'm Not An Angel_ by Halestorm. Sequel to Trying Not To Love You.

_You made a mistake  
On the day that you met me and lost your way  
You saw all the signs but you let it go  
You closed your eyes_

You, my boy, made a big mistake the very first time we met. I had every intention of letting you pay for it. That was before you dared to jump of off the roof. After that, things changed. I just had to see that fire in your eyes again. And I did. Since that day I have seen it many times and I still haven't gotten completely used to it. Every time I see your eyes, I still get the same exhilarating feeling.

On that very first day that I laid my hands on you, I knew that this wouldn't be the last time that I touched you. I know that you were very confused after that encounter and tried your hardest to forget it. Until, of course, we met again.

You knew what you were getting into. You knew who I was and what I did for a living. And still you decided that you would let me in. I must admit that I didn't make it easy for you to disappear, but you could have tried harder if you really wanted to get away. It still amazes me how strong you are, even though I often make fun of that. Just to get a feisty reaction out of you. Just to see those beautiful eyes light up in fire.

After the whole China fiasco, you realized that you weren't just some plaything to me. I hope that you still believe in that, because sometimes I see the doubt in your eyes. And sometimes I think you just don't want to think about what I feel or think of you. But I know you too good to see what is really going on inside your head.

_I should've told you to leave  
'Cause I knew all the time you couldn't handle me  
But you're hard to resist  
When you're on your knees begging me_

Sometimes I wonder why I keep you by my side. Isn't it better for the both of us to let you go? To let you leave like you tried to do in the beginning. But when I think about that, it somehow hurts. I have never felt this kind of thing before. And to be honest, it can be a scary feeling. Even I sometimes can feel fear for losing something that means so much to me. And you do mean much to me, only most of the time you just don't seem to realize it.

From the beginning I knew that you were a good match for me. Never in my life has someone stood up to me like you do. It's like you don't fear me when you talk back to me. Although I know I have seen fear in your eyes when I told you something that I was going to do, I also know that you understood it perfectly. But sometimes I wonder when the time will come that you break. Because sometimes when I look at you I see a fragile person, who I have to keep save no matter the cost.

Every time I see this side of you that you rarely let me see, I know that I will not decide to let you go. I know that you can't always appear to be strong and go against almost everything that I say. But it still makes me realize that you are a fragile person in my world. Then when I see you pulling an act again against one of the bodyguards, I know why I chose you. It always amuses me to see how you can talk to them, while you know damn good what they are capable of.

And every time I touch you, I get the most delicious things back from you. The sounds you make are something that I want to hear every day. They are just another reason why I keep coming back to you after another hard day. I need to hear you every day to know that I'm alive.

_I'll tear you down, I'll make you bleed eternally  
Can't help myself from hurting you when it's hurting me  
I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy  
'Cause I'm not an angel, I'm not an angel_

I know that pulling you into my life has been rather hard on you. You have experienced things that most people don't even dare to think about. And every time something bad happens to you, you will find a way to bounce back to your old self. That is another thing that I admire about you.

I know that making you stay by my side has hurt you more times than you can probably remember. Those times when you were hurt, I was also hurt. I never expected to feel like this about another person in my life. The life I live is hard and dangerous, that it is almost stupid to let someone in. I know this and I have been told that many times over. And still I refused to listen to those warnings.

I'm not someone who will be expected to go to heaven after I die. I know this and I have always accepted this. The things that I have done cannot be undone. You know this too and still you see past this. You refuse to judge a person on their profession, even though I have thought differently in the past. Keeping you by my side has already proven to be difficult, with almost everybody working against us. But I refuse to let that happen.

You know that I'm no angel. I'm probably the complete opposite of that. You know it, and you have even called me the devil sometimes. But it seems that this doesn't matter to you. It seems in the time that we have known each other; you have come to accept me. Maybe not yet completely, but eventually you will.

_Hate being that wall  
That you hit when you feel like you gave it all  
I keep taking the blame  
When we both know that I'll never change_

I honestly hate it when I see that you are suffering because of me. Because as we both know, many people are out to bring me down and they will do anything in their power to achieve this. Even taking you away from me. This has happened a couple of times but every time I managed to get you back and make them pay for it.

I hurt when I see what they have done to you when I get you back in my arms. I always make sure that I replace those awful memories by good ones. At least, I consider them good memories. I will always be there for you when you need to replace a bad memory. I will always be there for you when you need someone who doesn't ask questions you don't want to answer.

I also will take the blame you put on me when something has gone wrong. Because when you accuse me of something I know it is in the heat of the moment. I know that when you calm down, you aren't blaming me anymore. Aside from that, I will take the blame for everything bad that has happened to you in the time we have known each other. Because I know most of it is because of me and a slight part because of how you are.

I know and you know that I can't change who I am, just as we both know that you will not change. We are our own people and live like we want to. Even though I have pulled you into my life, I know now that you are glad for this. You will not admit this to me, but that doesn't matter as long as I know you do.

_I'll tear you down , I'll make you bleed eternally  
Can't help myself from hurting you when it's hurting me  
I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy  
'Cause I'm not an angel, I'm not an angel  
_

I know that being together with you will push you to become even stronger. Because you know that when you are strong, it takes more to get hurt. You hate getting hurt and you have seen people getting hurt over the stupidest things. You make yourself hard for the ones who can hurt you, but more open to the people who are dear to you.

I know that you have closed yourself over the time, because you have seen that this will help to get hurt less. That you have become more open with me is something that I immensely enjoy. Simply because this certifies that you are with me because you want to and not because I forced you into it. It turns my guilt, which I had for pulling you into my world, into something that I still have a difficulty voicing or even thinking about.

I never thought that I could feel this way after what I have been through in my life. After deciding that I wanted to be on top, I made a promise with myself. I would never let anyone in my heart, who can easily bring harm to me. I broke this promise, almost the moment when I first saw the fire in your eyes. And I have never regretted breaking the promise, because now I have a new one. One which I will uphold even after I have left this world.

Everyone in my world knows me and what is mine. I know you don't like to be called mine and every time I do, I get a feisty reaction from you. But I find this the easiest way to show everyone that they can't touch you, not even look at you. If I could I would lock you up somewhere where only I can get to you. I know this is rather selfish, but I can't help but feel this way. This feeling only grows stronger when I realize how simple it is for someone to get to you and take you away from me.

If you knew what kinds of things I would do to keep you safe, you would be terrified of me. I know that for sure. You don't like to be locked up or be kept as some sort of pet. And I know that if I execute this idea of mine, that I will lose you and never get you back. And that is something that can never happen.

_I wasn't always this way, I used to be the one with the halo  
But that disappeared when I had my first taste  
And fell from grace, it left me in this place  
Now I'm starting to think maybe you like it_

I know that you want to believe that a long time ago, when I was still a child, that I was an innocent human being. When you ask me about this and how I have come in this world, because I know you will ask about it in the near future, I will answer you and tell you about it. But not until you are reading to hear it. I will probably know that you are ready before you do, but then I will have some time to prepare myself for it. Because if I tell you my past, we will never be able to go back to where we are now.

You will be one of the few who know how I came to be what I am now. I don't know how you will react and how much time you will need to digest it. But in the end I know that it will be worth it. And I know that you will feel the same way about it. I also hope that it will give you enough confidence to believe in what we have. Because I know you worry your pretty head about the most stupidest things. And sometimes I wish you would just stop with the worry and go with what you are feeling.

Because I know that you are still holding back from me. I have seen glimpses of the you who gives his whole being to me, his heart, his body and soul. And every time I see that side of you, I keep graving for more of that. I know that the moment you give yourself completely to me, that you will be ready to ask me. And when that happens, we will never be separated again and I will take the next step.

This world that I live in and which I have pulled you in, is something that will never change. It will always be dangerous, probably more for me then for you. Although you like to believe otherwise. I know that you are getting used to the danger that always lurks around the corner, and sometimes I believe that you are getting used to this world. As much as I hate to admit it, it is a good thing that you are. The faster you learn how this world works, the faster I can make sure that you cannot be harmed that easily anymore. The faster you learn, the faster you will be completely mine.

_I'll tear you down, I'll make you bleed eternally  
Can't help myself from hurting you when it's hurting me  
I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy  
'Cause I'm not an angel_

Every time I look at you I get this strange urge. An urge that I have never felt before. The urge to wrap you in my arms and never let you go again. That's why when you are not beside me; I have my most trusted men watch you. I know you hate this, but what you don't know is that I would probably destroy myself completely, and the one who dared to touch you, if you were to be killed. I will always keep you safe no matter what it will cost me.

I know that you don't like the thought of that, so I don't bother you with my opinion about it. But I know that you have come to the realization that if or when something were to happen to you, that I will do anything to get you back. You have already seen prove of how far I will go to get you back to me. I also know that you sometimes fear what I will do if you were hurt too bad.

I can see the fear in your eyes when something happens which involves you. You are afraid that I will go too far. It is nice to see someone care so much about me, to try to stop me from going too far. Never before has someone done that for me and it's a nice change.

I will never be a good man, like I know you sometimes want me to be. I will always be the pervert or the bastard like you have called me so many times. That's just fine with me, because every time you call me names I will show you just whose pervert or bastard I am. And I know that you are slowly coming to realize this. I can't wait to see the moment when you do realize what it means. And my own feelings tell me that it won't be long.

I will always try to keep you safe; you know this, even though I have never voiced this out loud. If I could take you away from this world I would, but after getting to know you and seeing your fire that never burns out, I know that I can never do that. You belong at my side and you know this is true. And I still like to remember you about it once in a while.

_I'm not an angel  
I'm not an angel  
I'm not an angel  
I'm not an angel  
I'm not an angel_

I'm not an angel and I will never be one. But for me you are my angel. In a certain way, you are my saviour. You made me see that there is more in this universe then just the world that I have lived in for as long as I can remember. You made me see a light that I thought I never would come across.

You made me break the single promise that I made to myself all those years ago, one that I thought I would never break. But instead you made me make a promise that is far more important to me. You made me see that breaking a promise isn't the end of the world, as long as you make a better promise in its place.

You made me feel again. You give me a reason to be alive. A reason for me to be even more careful with my own life when I'm out. Because I know that when something happens to me, you will worry too much and do stupid things.

I'm not an angel and you know this. But when you are ready to tell me your real feelings, I will feel like I'm an angel. Because right then I will feel like I'm in heaven. Right then I will feel like I can fly and take you away from this cruel world. But this will not happen and we both know it. I however will do anything I can to make you see what I feel for you and what you mean to me.

And when you finally understand why I treat you the way I do and say the things I do, I will make sure that for the rest of our lives, I will show you just how much I love you.

You are the only one who managed to grab hold of my heart, my soul and my body. And for the rest of our lives, I will do anything in my power to make you happy. Because when you are happy, you shine. And when you shine, I can see another world then the dark world that we live in.

The End


End file.
